3. High heels

2. Journey

1. Alcohol

I can live with hating number 3, but it will be a tragic day if the other 2 are officially ruined.

3. The girl who’s dress looked like ornate wrapping paper. Actually kind of pretty, but not at all comfortable looking.

2. The girl who I’m pretty sure killed one of the Wild Things and made a skirt out of it’s fur.

1. The girl wearing a mini dress in Ensign red and black that I’m pretty sure came straight off the set of the original Star Trek. My first thought when she passed me was “Girl, hope you realize that Scotty won’t be beaming you back up at the end of this episode.” But then I remembered that it was college night in 5 pts and she was a drunk 18 year old girl…so I’m sure she’ll get beamed in one way or another…

Since my new job allows me to spend so much (forced) time in our towns lovely 5 Pts* area, I get to see hilarious, horrifying and disgusting acts of stupidity on an almost nightly basis. I’ve decided the best way to order this bevy of stories, complaints and nasuea-inducing recollections is to make numbered lists. So to kick this off, for the grand 11-3 shift** of this 3rd day December 2009, our number is 3.

*For any non-locals, 5 Pts is Columbia’s “premier collegiate bar area,” more easily recognized as “frat-house dumping grounds” or “where to find dumb drunk 18 year old girls and take advantage of them.”

**I am not a hooker.

To kick this off, 3 things 5 Pts has taught me:

3. Visors are always a mistake. Especially when it’s 1:00 in the fucking morning.

2. If you are a subpar performer, simply steal the work of a talented and iconic artist. Remake it in almost the exact fashion of the original. Now, market it as if it is your song. Destroy the history, beauty and credibility of music. Most likely, you’ll make millions as our society drains away all remaining chance of originality or creativity.

1. That the already doubtful ability of the vast majority of we white girls to dance has hit a new low in it’s sharp decline. The steps to the newest dance of the white girls are as follows: Put one or both arms in the air and bounce them non-rythmically. Next, complexly shake your shoulder blades/boobs, perhaps in the vain hope that noone will realize you can’t shake your ass. Or that you don’t have one. Finally, hop from foot to foot, or if you’re feeling real fancy (re:drunk), kick those heels up high!

This seems to be done mostly to candy-coated Disney jailbait songs about partying. Or Mystikal’s “Shake Ya Ass” since that is apparently too difficult of an instruction to follow.

likevannotjim:

thewaythingsgo:

paulasparks: lazybonez: Recyclops.

“I thought you were killed by Polluticon”

“Pollutican WISHES”

Idiotic Dwight moves ftw. Although most of the rest of this episode wasn’t very funny.

Working…taking a blog break because otherwise I’ll meet my quota an hour early. 5 pts is a smoargasbord of douchebaggery. And seriously, everyone here is like 12. I feel old and lethargic.

nedhepburn:

George Michael “Faith”

Oh George Michael, why are you so perfect? I was just having a really shitty day/shitty mood and this made me feel ten times better. I may just listen to this song on repeat now until I reach blissfully happy.

I used to be creative. I used to have ideas and interesting projects and passion. Lately, that’s all dried up. I have no drive, no ambition, no interest.

All of my friends do wonderful things. They are beautiful songwriters and beautiful writers, beautiful artists, beautiful photographers, beautiful designers. I want so badly to do those things again. To make art, to feel passion, to love what I do.

When I started this blog I planned to make it an outlet, and I’ve really failed. So I’ve decided I’m going to get it back. I’m going to post everything I’ve done and loved and hopefully make new things I love. I’m done being pathetic and lonely and lazy. I quit my job, I’m moving on, I’m going to do something real. So if I post something, art or writing or just thoughts, please please be my lovely friends and tell me what you think. Tell me you hate it or how it can be better or what I did right or if you actually like it. Help me recreate myself and find who the me that I liked, please!

paperchilton:

so i just started season one of heroes.  i’m obsessed already.  i’m scared to finish season one because all i’ve heard is how much season two sucks.  but i will press on and catch up to the current season.  i’m pretty good at managing to avoid spoilers when i start shows late in the game.  unless her name is megan.

Oh let it go lady! The only thing I’ve ever spoiled is Dumbledore, and I seriously thought everyone knew that! Anyway, I don’t remember anything about the second season of this show because it blew and I didn’t watch the third, so I’ve got no news.

Jon Stewart, will you have an affair with me? I promise, I’ll be as good at lying to your wife as Fox news is at lying to America.